1. Give up performance anxiety:
The biggest stumbling block for men (and women) is worrying or stressing over one's sexual performance. When you are stressed out, you cannot enjoy the moment. You cannot relax. You cannot tune into the needs of your partner or experience subtle pleasures. A good way to release tension it to simply appreciate the beauty of your partner. Enjoy the sound of her voice, her beauty, her hair, her skin tone, her clothing, her perfume, etc. See her as a magnificent work of art. Experience her with all of your senses. Express genuine interests in her life, her thoughts, her ideas. In doing so, you place your EGO in the backseat and are fully Present with her. Note: Women LOVE men who are present and attentive!
2. Less is more:
You can arouse a woman simply by the way you look into her eyes. Look at her fearlessly, with utmost appreciation and care. Hold her hand, hug or cuddle with her as if you are protecting her. Be someone she can lean on. Listen! And not just with your ears. Listen with your heart, your intuition, your body. Tell her how beautiful she is to you. Tell her how much she means to you. These things matter! They help a woman to open up to you.
3. Take it S L O W:
Do not rush to sexual intercourse! Do not penetrate her vagina until she has reached the boiling point. You'll know if she's there if she's soaking wet and/or she's begging you to enter her. Note: Even if she begs you to enter her, still check to see that she's actually wet. When you kiss her lips, kiss her softly and gently. Take your time with kissing. Allow the passion and intensity to build. I would recommend spending a minimum of 10 minutes kissing her lips. You can also gently suck or lick her lower lip, as well as her upper lip. If she's sensitive and open to you, she can experience full body orgasms just from you kissing her. Treat kissing as a work of art.
You can then proceed to stimulate other areas of her body, such as her earlobes, the back of her neck, her back, the palm of her hand, her toes, etc. You can literally spend hours and hours making love in this manner. Intercourse may not even be necessary. But if you do include intercourse, allow it to be the grande finale! Once you start intercourse, enter her slowly. Once inside her, you can remain still or move very slowly. If she's truly at her boiling point, you won't need to move very much. Enjoy each subtle sensation. Feel her. Feel what's going on in your body. Connect with her, on every level.
4. Listen to her body language:
If she seems tense and uptight, slow down or stop what you are doing. Talk to her. Ask her how she's feeling. Encourage her to be honest with you. It's also a good idea to encourage her to breathe out through her mouth. This will help her to relax and to make sounds. Hug her for as long as possible. Gently massage her back, her arms, and her legs. Treat her delicately, like a beautiful rose. Her sounds will cue you as to when her pleasure is increasing. Listen carefully and continue to give her more of what pleases her. If her sounds diminish, slow down or discontinue that movement. If you are unsure, ask her how she's feeling.
5. Make love outside of the bedroom:
This is perhaps the most important of the 5 points. Love making does not occur solely in the bedroom. It's happening 24/7. It's how you interact with her, how you think about her, how you speak to her, how you appreciate her, etc. This is a huge topic, in and of itself. I will expand on this more in a future blog. Do bare in mind, that mainstream porn does NOT teach men and women how to make love, in or out of the bedroom. It does NOT teach men and women how to truly connect to one another. To really make love 24/7, it's important to practice deep breathing, with or without your partner, so that you can re-sensitize your body to the subtle sensations of life and to shut down the incessant mental chatter that keeps you from being in the moment.
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