Sexual Identity - Who Am I As A Sexual Being?

Sexual identity can best be defined as how one thinks about themselves when it comes to who they are attracted to, emotionally, romantically, and/or sexually. This is purely limited to thoughts of one's self, and does not span out to behavior or actions based upon what one thinks.

This term has been rather loosely defined and agreed upon in recent years, as the field of study grows ever wider and disputes arise between different fields of thought. This term, however, should not be confused with gender identity, as the scope of what gender includes cannot be lumped together with one's sexuality. While gender identity is how one considers themselves via their gender (male, female, neither, both), sexual identity refers to who one is attracted to. While these terms are alike, they need not be directly associated with one another.

The Difference between Sexual Identity and Sexual Behavior
Many people may have attraction to a gender, but not make any action based upon that attraction. A study was done in 1990 by the Social Organization of Sexuality in the USA: only 16% of women and 36% of men who reported some level of same-sex attraction identified as homosexual or bisexual. It is clear that the thoughts and actions can be completely separated, though it is not highly suggested by psychoanalysts. The same survey found that 96% of women and 87% of men with a homosexual or bisexual identity had participated in sex with someone of the same sex, as contrasted to 32% of women and 43% of men who had same-sex attractions. Upon reviewing the results, the organization commented that, "Development of self-identification as homosexual or gay is a psychological and socially complex state, something which, in this society, is achieved only over time, often with considerable personal struggle and self-doubt, not to mention social discomfort."

When Who You Are Isn't What You Want To Be
There are many who are not happy with their sexuality. When one's sexual orientation does not match their sexual identity, an unhealthy dichotomy forms. People engage themselves in relationships with the sex they believe they "should" be attracted to, or simply remove any sort of attraction or sexuality from their lives. These feelings of inadequacy are usually based around social interactions with others, where the person is made to feel as if they are somehow in the wrong by being attracted to whomever it is they are attracted to.

Even worse is that these ideas are compounded by social circles and particular media - books, seminars, and other forms of media have cropped up to "teach" those with conflicting sexual identities how to purge themselves of their sexual preference.

The best current methods out there are therapies and counseling to help people come to terms with their sexual identities. SIT is one of those methods, aptly named Sexual Identity Therapy, and it was developed by Warren Throckmorton and Mark Yarhouse in 2007. According to an interview between these two and CNN's Paula Zahn, "Sexual identity therapy puts the emphasis on how the client wants to live, identifies the core beliefs and helps the client live according to those beliefs." Compared to other forms of therapy, SIT has shown great results with far happier clients. The program has been endorsed by many professionals, and continues to be fully refined and more firmly endorsed.

"Reparative Therapy" and its Dangers
There have been numerous attempts to try and change people with sexual identities that vary, especially those not attracted to others in a heterosexual fashion. One of the more recent methods has been coined Reparative Therapy.

This therapy has been used as a "cure" for sexual differences, especially those of a bisexual or homosexual nature. The case has been used many times when a person's family does not agree with their sexuality, and proceeds to try and "fix" them through this therapy.

Gary Greenburg, a practicing psychotherapist, spoke with Mother Jones news and had this to say about reparative therapy, "All the major psychotherapy guilds have barred their members from researching or practicing reparative therapy on the grounds that it is inherently unethical to treat something that is not a disease, that it contributes to oppression by pathologizing homosexuality, and that it is dangerous to patients whose self-esteem can only suffer when they try to change something about themselves that they can't (and shouldn't have to) change."

While books and articles have been published about the subject, heralding it as a success, such as psychologist Joseph Nicolosi's, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, there have been great advances in psychology since then that have proven its harmful nature. The therapy was in the process of being banned in California in 2012 by Gov. Jerry Brown, who called the idea "quackery" - this law, however, would only protect those under the age of 18, as it prohibits any attempts by medical professionals to change (or attempt to change) the sexual orientation of patients at or below that age. Beyond that, however, there is no law yet in place.

After the law was announced, a video surfaced that was a self-imposed interview by New York City resident Mathew Shurka, who says he was subjected to reparative therapy in California for five years, starting at age 16 after coming out to his father. "[The reparative therapist] gave my father and [me] a guarantee that I'd be straight in six weeks," Shurka, now 24, says. "It was pretty horrible -- it was basically living the life of how to become straight based off of stereotypes. How to talk and walk like a straight guy." He focused on telling people in his situation that, "Life gets better. It does get better."

Many continue to cling to this therapy as a safety blanket, while disregarding the truth that sexuality is not a direct choice, and instead opting for the idea that there is an "easy fix" for what many may not agree with, and that there is indeed something "wrong" that needs fixing. This therapy, in my opinion, should be avoided unless an individual personally feels that such treatment could, in some way, be of benefit to them.

It's also interesting to note that from my interviews with gay and lesbian people that they would suggest it would be a lot easier to "play it straight" rather than put up with the persecution and ridicule they get from, not only society, but also sometimes from family and friends.

I particularly remember one interview with a young lesbian girl who was in her mid-twenties. She told me that since she was a young child she knew she was "different" from the other girls around her. But she couldn't connect with them and didn't understand why until she became a teenager. This, in my opinion, is perfectly understandable since children don't know or even care about sexuality. Such is the beauty of innocence.

It's only when we get older that we begin to judge others around us. And this judgmental attitude is defined and reinforced by our parents, or peers, society and the media. We become so entrenched in the importance of what others have to say that we leave our own critical thinking skills aside.