For many, celibacy is almost a dreaded word. It conjures up images of sadness, loneliness, inability to relate intimately with others, social inadequacy, poor relationships, religious vows, etc. For some people, it's even considered an impossibility! The idea is they would go insane without sex on a regular basis.
While some of that may very well be true for those who are or choose to be celibate, there is more to this phenomena than meets the eye. Wikipedia defines celibacy as: a state of being unmarried and sexually abstinent. Let's deal with the sexually abstinent part, which Wikipedia also defines as: the practice of refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral or religious reasons. I doubt very much that most celibate individuals fall under this strict definition of refraining from any aspect of sexual activity. The common understanding of celibacy is: not engaging in sexual intercourse or oral sex with anyone for an extended period of time. I myself, am currently celibate, meaning I have not engaged in sexual intercourse or oral sex for the last 7 months... as well as much of my adult life, even when I had a common-law partner who I loved and still love dearly. Based on my own life experience and talking to other celibate individuals, I really question the idea that people who are celibate are completely unhappy and unfulfilled. Celibacy can be a time of self-discovery; getting to really know oneself and what one truly needs or desires. It can be a time of healing.
The last time I had sexual intercourse with a man was in December of 2011. Some people may look at me in shock or horror when I say that, as if I'm an alien from outer space. And I understand that reaction, given how hyper-sexualized our culture is. Yesterday, I was hanging out with a male friend who told me he hadn't had intercourse with a woman in 10 years! I also have encountered male clients who haven't had intercourse in several years, either because they haven't had a girlfriend or because they are in a sexless marriage. I suspect that these men do engage in some form of sexual activity - be it masturbation with the aid of porn or sexual fantasy. But that may not necessarily be the case.
During my many periods of celibacy, I would look at some lesbian porn occasionally. But generally speaking, porn does not interest me much. It's only within the last 7 months that I've started to truly enjoy sexuality. And by that, I don't mean intercourse. I had an experience with a man in December 2012, whereby we engaged in what would be considered foreplay, as well as fellatio. And it was the best sexual experience of my life, at that point, by far! For the first time ever, I was able to experience full body orgasms from French kissing, sucking his nipples and fellatio. This experience awakened in me a desire to experience more of these waves of orgasmic energy. Sadly, we live in 2 different countries, and thus are not able to continue this activity in person. However, this man is seriously into tantra or sacred sexuality and he knows how to project energy, even at a very far distance. I can be on the phone with him or on Skype and he will project energy and I will go into multiple full body orgasms. Needless to say, this is blowing my mind!
What I've come to realize is that sexuality is far greater than most of us have conceived. We can make love to the sun, the moon, the earth, trees, other people, etc. by allowing ourselves to tune into the energy of that thing or person. We can connect with anyone or anything. We can have orgasms via sensual breathing. We can think ourselves into full body orgasms. Energy is everywhere and we can enjoy sexual energy all the time, every day. With or without another human being.
I know a woman who is technically celibate, yet she makes love daily to nature! She has taught me that once we expand our idea of what sexuality is, we can never refer to ourselves as celibate. It's a false idea. Unfortunately, we've been conditioned to deny our bodies our full range of sensation and feeling. We relegate sex to something that mimics what we see in porn. When in reality, it is so much vaster than that. We stress over performance. We fear intercourse and/or pregnancy. We tighten up. We don't believe our partner really wants to please us. We may even believe that we're impossible to please.
None of this is true. You and I can break free of the conditioning and experience orgasm anytime we desire! Let's do it!
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